Grieving with love, for love and knowing that love never ends but only transforms...
I burned all the letters, cards and little notes i received from lovers, boyfriends and partners after reading again every single word.
I allowed the words to penetrate my system and i feel so much grief.
I'm grieving...
...the relationships and connections that ended because we've been not able to keep love in the center and to hold each other through the changes and waves of life.
I'm grieving...
...the end of deep connections. Connections that touched my heart, no matter how short or long they lasted.
Dimensions of space and time are not linear and unlimited when we touch each other deeply in our systems and souls.
I'm grieving...
...the relationships that never happened because I was not brave enough to express interest and attraction.
I'm grieving...
...the times when I didn't manage to keep my arms and my heart open. Because I was scared. Scared to show my vulnerability, to be hurt, to be alone...
I'm grieving...
... the times when i didn't trust the other, when I didn't trust myself and when i didn't trust life fully.
Because I think deep down i didn't believe that I deserve it. "It" meaning being loved, happiness, a partner who stays....
I'm grieving...
...and I feel some guilt. Because I never was able to appreciate all the beautiful men in my life enough!
They gave me so much and yet I often wasn't able to receive it, because I was too much in my own world and not able to really see them.
I am sorry. I apologize.
To them.
To myself.
To love.
I forgive myself.
And I allow myself to feel it all.
Feeling the grief and shame and my deep desire for connection.
I am crying, letting the tears come.
Surfing the waves of my emotions.
It feels so sweet and painful!
It feels liberating.
I can feel how my system is freeing up energy.
With the fire of the burning letters, i send the energy back to the universe.
I am grateful.
I am vibrating and open.
For life and love to take me.